Ich war eine betrunkene Schlampe.

I am not a religious person. I don't believe in God for two reasons:

1. If you go back far enough, humans had gods for everything. They had gods of wind, gods of fire, gods for the stars and gods of the weather. There weren't scientific explanations for these phenomenon, so they believed these events were controlled by a higher power. As science advanced, we found out the answers to the causes of the wind, the sun, the weather, etc. The only mystery that remains is what happens after we die, so that is the only God that remains.

2. Awful shit happens to good people, whether or not they believe in God.

I realize that religion serves a purpose in society - some people only do good things because of the threat of eternal punishment (or the promise of eternal rewards.) Religion can be a comfort to people who, for whatever reason, are going through a hard time in life. It can do good things. But if you look at the number of wars that have started and the number of people that have been killed over religious differences, you start to wonder if the bad outweighs the good.

I stopped going to church shortly after I was confirmed - and I had to write a special request to the priest because my church didn't want to confirm me. Apparently, I had missed too many classes or something. I wrote three pages of bullshit and had a special meeting with our priest to explain to him that I was a devout Catholic with scheduling issues. No, I was not getting confirmed to please my parents (which I was) and I would attend mass regularly after confirmation (which I didn't.)

Nevertheless, church serves as a source of comfort for me. Let me rephrase that - churches serve as a source of comfort, especially the old, historic, beautiful ones in Europe. I don't go to mass, I don't meet with priests, I don't go to confession. But no matter how awful I feel, going into a church and sitting by myself is a very comforting thing. My mom used to say that the one good thing about the Catholic Church was confession - it is like free therapy. You don't have to look the priest in the eyes and you can tell him all of your horrible deeds... he'll give you a few words of advice and a few prayers to say. People learn from their mistakes and move on.

This morning I went for a long, long walk along the Isar. I came upon this small, old church and went in and sat down for about an hour, thinking. Since my dad is an atheist as well, he used church as a weekly lesson in morality. No God, no heaven and hell... just listen to the stories and learn how to be a moral person. I think I learned those lessons pretty well. Unfortunately, last saturday was not my finest hour.

Lots of thinking to do...


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