Ehl-leez-a-bit.

Elizabeth. Ehl - leez - a - bit. No, it's Elizabeth. Ehl-leez-a-bet.

Good god I didn't realize my name could be so difficult. The second week I worked here, a couple of people asked me, "what would you like to be called?" Elizabeth. I would like to be called Elizabeth. "Isn't that a... hard... name?" No, not really. It's a little bit long, but deal with it.

When I got into Wharton, I decided that I would use "Elizabeth" as my name in the business world. It's a serious, strong, don't-fuck-with-me type of name. You see, in the USA women still have to act like men in certain ways to get ahead in business. Just look at our women CEO's (or Hillary Clinton. Seriously. I'm pretty sure she has testicles.) Extremely unattractive- short hair, baggy or loose clothing, no feminine qualities, etc. I attended a business etiquette dinner where they said that women should never take off their jackets at a formal business dinner. Apparently, our boobs are distracting. I apologize. I have boobs. I have long hair. I don't wear slutty clothing, but I will not wear a potato sack to board meetings so that other people feel more comfortable.

I will not grow a penis so that I can get ahead in business.

Instead, I will take on a more serious name. Elizabeth. No cutesy nickname, no masculine tendencies.

That was the master plan, anyway. I didn't realize that Germans have issues with the "-th" sound. They really try to get it right but it's completely hopeless. The "-beth" part of my name turns out to be "bet" or "bit" or some weird mutation of the word that makes no sense. It makes me laugh :)

Alright, so I have issues with my name. Hi, I am Elizabeth Mary Schneider, also known as Rojo, Betsy, Liz, Elizabeth, El-leez-a-bit, and Lizzy. I promise there is a reason why I am known by so many different names, none of which involve trying to cover up past crimes.

When I was little, I was called Betsy. Little baby Betsy. Cute. Then, I went to high school and somehow convinced myself that "Betsy" sounds like "Bessie," a cow's name. I decided to change to Liz when I went to college. Wharton is an east-coast school in every sense of the term - over 80% of the student body seems to come from New Jersey. They're loud, they're proud, they're completely and utterly retarded. After hearing that I was from Minnesota, someone actually asked me what life was like in Canada. This person got into Wharton somehow? Unglaublich. I thought the switch would be a good idea - those who didn't think I lived in Canada had this image of everyone from Minnesota living on a farm, having two or three children by the age of 21, missing a few teeth, and being an overall idiot. I wanted to move as far away from this stereotype as possible, including shedding the name "Betsy" and switching to "Liz."

As it turns out, Liz is probably the most boring name... ever. Betsy may be a little bit old-fashioned, but at least it has some spunk to it. Liz is boring. Plain. Vanilla. For those of you who know me as one name or the other - I don't expect you to switch. Please keep calling me whatever you have been calling me, unless you strongly prefer one name or the other. I will respond to most things directed my way, including some very inappropriate nicknames that are not fit to print.

Well my plan to be taken seriously in business by using the name Elizabeth is failing miserably. Germans have given up on the "-th" sound altogether and instead started calling me Liz or Lizzy. Yuck. I've told my friends here to call me Betsy. Altogether, this little experiment has been a complete failure.

Note to self - work in a country where "-th" isn't a painful noise to make.


---