Sonntags nicht geöffnet.

I come from the land where things are open "24/7, 365 days a year." Most stores stay open until 9pm on weekdays and 10pm on weekends. Virtually nothing is closed on Sundays. Unfortunately, I'm living in the land where almost everything closes at 6pm on weekdays. When you work until 6:00 or 6:15, this makes life really inconvenient. Nothing is open on Sundays. Nothing. No grocery stores, no clothing stores, nothing. German life is efficient, but they definitely didn't make it convenient. In fact, I think the two concepts are at complete odds with one another. What is efficient cannot be convenient, and what is convenient cannot be efficient.

Public transportation - incredibly efficient. Incredibly clean. Always on time. But, the times that it runs are not always in line with when I need it to. No U-bahn line always takes me directly from where I am to where I need to go... there are always transfers involved. A car would be more convenient, but it is less efficient. Too many cars lead to traffic jams, longer commuting times, environmental destruction, etc.

Recycling - the German recycling system is incredibly efficient, and incredibly inconvenient (from a foreigner's perspective.) In America, you put your trash and recycling on the street every Friday morning, and the garbage collection comes to take care of it. Here, there are drop-off sites for your recycling. Green glass gets sorted from brown glass and clear glass; paper and plastic are also separated. (I forgot to separate glass colors last night while attempting to help clean up empty beer bottles after the game... whoops. There were a lot of empty bottles because Germany lost - not good.) The nearest recycling point to my apartment is three blocks. With a car - fine, no problem. Without a car - fuck me, this sucks.

Maybe it isn't a question of convenience vs. efficiency. It is one of responsibility.

In Germany, you can drink beer and wine at 16, hard liquor at 18, and there are roads with no speed limits. Periodically, there are police officers on the U-bahn to make sure you bought a ticket, but that's been extremely rare in my experience. German culture places an enormous responsibility on you to do the right thing. They have systems in place - recycling centers, U-bahn ticket stamps, ambulances for young people who drink too much - but they leave it up to you not to fuck up. Don't drink too much too quickly, don't drive faster than you can handle, don't throw away things you know you shouldn't.

My family jokes about how my siblings and I get our lazy, fun side from the Irish, and our discipline from the Germans. In a way, I think that's true. Yes, there is strong social pressure here to do the right thing solely because it's the right thing to do. But it takes a lot of discipline to live in Germany - discipline to make you do some things and refrain from overindulging in others.

And now, I'm going to stop procrastinating, be German, and do the errands I've been putting off all day.



---

So horribly American.

I am quite disappointed with myself this week. I have been terribly, horribly, no-good-very-badly American. Of course, there are positive ways to be American. But I have been the embodiment of all that is crap with our country these last few days. So maybe that's being a bit dramatic - I haven't jumped in a Ford truck with my cowboy hat on, screaming obscenities about other races - but here's what I have done:

1. Language - English only, please. Up until this week, I really tried to speak in German whenever I could. Chatting at work, buying groceries, out with friends... all (or mostly) in German. This week, I've been so lazy! Other languages sound like background noise. If I don't catch on to a conversation right away, I'll just nod and smile along with everyone else. I have no fucking clue what's going on, but if they laugh, I'll laugh. I've gotten quite good at looking like I understand a conversation.... but I'm really just pretending to pay attention while I sing inappropriate Eminem lyrics in my head.

2. Travel - if it's convenient. I am in Munich. Have I seen Munich? Eh, not really. I went down to the Old City once or twice, had a few days of looking around.... but no, I haven't made a conscious effort to get to know the city. To be fair, I did go to Frankfurt for two of the four weekends I've been here, but still.

3. Culture - .... I've actually done alright with this one. German soccer, biergartens, operas, good people, good times.

4. Patience - none. Um, yeah I haven't had much patience this week. There isn't really anything in particular that I can point out... but I worry about stupid things that really don't matter. It's very American to want things done now, decisions made now, to be overly busy instead of pleasantly bored.

I'm just having one of those weeks where I irritate myself. I have the capability to understand virtually everything in a German conversation, I'm just not trying hard enough. I could respond in German, but I don't. I have an U-bahn ticket paid for by the company, but haven't really used it. There are museums, gardens, bars, and historical sites to see, but I haven't seen them.

I think I'm just burnt out. Tired of having to try and understand German, tired of not having everything come easily to me. I know, my life is sooooooo difficult. Yuck, stop whining.

Well, we're just going to have to fix this somehow. I don't like being irritating to anybody, and especially not myself. The solution: I am only working four days a week from now until I leave - I'm using five vacation days to take Mondays off. This should give me time to spend some time in Munich on the weekends, but also see other places around Germany. On the agenda for this weekend: Munich. Museum Villa Stuck, Bayerisches Nationalmuseum, the English Gardens, a free walking tour on Sunday, and Olympiapark. Alle auf Deutsch. Keine Englisch. (All in German, no English.)

Oh yes, and Germany plays Spain in the EM final on Sunday... DEUTSCHLANDDDD! Maybe I'll even dress up like a crazy German soccer fan, just to make up for my lack of effort this week. As for now, I will be memorizing verbs and sentence structures because I'm in Germany, and dammit I'm awesome.


---

How Appropriate.

Gotta love Alan Jackson....

The sun is hot and that old clock is movin' slow, and so am I

The workday passes like molassas in wintertime...but it's July.

Gettin' paid by the hour and older by the minute

My boss just pushed me over the limit

I'd like to call him somethin', but I think I'll just call it a day

Chorus:

Pour me somethin' tall and strong

Make it a hurricane before I go insane

It's only half past twelve, but I don't care

It's five o'clock somewhere

This lunch break is gonna take all afternoon, and half the night

Tomorrow morning I know there'll be hell to pay
Hey, but that's all right

I ain't had a day off now in over a year

My Jamaican vacation is gonna start right here

If the phones for me, you can tell 'em I've just sailed away

Chorus:

Pour me somethin' tall and strong

Make it a hurricane before I go insane

It's only half past twelve, but I don't care

It's five o'clock somewhere

---

TSCHLAND!

I think you can tell a lot about a culture by the way their language is constructed. Take Chinese, for example. Wikipedia told me that there are approximately 47,035 characters in their dictionary (which all look the same to me.) A character stands for a syllable, not an entire word. A typical word is constructed of two or three characters. Full literacy takes knowledge of 5,000 characters, which combine to form thousands of different words. What does this tell you about Chinese culture? They are complex and detail oriented. They are also not very practical - apparently standing in line is a skill that Chinese officials recently taught people for the upcoming Olympics.

English is made up of a bunch of other languages. Our words come from a mix of the Germanic languages, Latin, and French. We have over 600,000 words in our dictionary, with 25,000 being added each year. What does this say about English-speakers, Americans in particular? We take things from other cultures and pretend we invented them. We use multiple words that have basically the same meaning. If we can't think of exactly the right term, we make one up. "Giant" and "enormous" didn't quite capture what we meant, so we created "ginormous." Things are overly complicated in English - think about white paint colors. We have eggshell, winter white, ivory, cream, foam, natural white, "antique white USA", chalk, baker's white, kitten white, white swan, berkshire white, flour... and yes, I did look all of those up. Is that really necessary? It's white paint. Figure it out.

Frau Frei used to say that German doesn't have many words, but they are put together in interesting ways. Mostly, their words describe the functionality of something. Instead of "refrigerator," they have "kuhlschrank" which literally means "cold cabinet." Bicycle is "fahrrad" or literally, "drive wheel." Very practical people. This relatively smaller vocabulary gives the Germans a reputation of being incredibly blunt - small differences between the meanings of English words are not understood by a German speaker. They don't have fifty words for the color "white" in German. It's just fucking white.

This bluntess is rubbing off on me. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. Honestly, I think it just makes people uncomfortable.

Oh well. Change of subject. Last night was interesting. Don't worry parents, I didn't get drunk and ridiculous. I met a few new people who thought I was 27 years old. When I told them no, I am only 20, they looked at me like I had three heads. So when I'm 40, I guess I'll look 80. Sweet. The game was good though - Germany won!! EM Finals here we come...

On the downside, I got virtually no sleep and am a little bit cranky today. For example, there is this woman in my office who is always ridiculously happy about everything, and I mean everything. If she laughs at one more not-funny joke, I might go insane.

*Big breath.* I'm putting on some good music and getting some coffee. That will make things better.


---

Observations.

1. I went to the opera last night... it was a showing of "Die Nacht." Unfortunately, it was a modern interpretation of Die Nacht - complete with video interlude, a plotline involving a telephone, etc. It was a little weird. The music was good though. You could tell these were students and not professionals because they had the LONGEST BOW OF ANY PRODUCTION EVER. We seriously spent over ten minutes clapping at the end while they kept running back onstage to bow. When I say "we" clapped, I mean everyone else clapped. I stopped about two minutes into it. They were good, but not that good.

2. The drug stores sell german soccer gear next to the aspirin, just in case of a loss.

3. I saw a massage parlour advertising themselves as an "original, authentic Thai massage." I wonder if they know that the original, authentic massage places in Thailand are also whore houses. Maybe this one is also a whore house.... hm.

4. Tonight is one of those nights where I'm going to need a big 'ole drink. I may make questionable decisions, which should make for an entertaining post tomorrow.

5. I got my nose pierced. I was not going to say anything until I got home, but I figured the parentals would be super mad if I didn't tell them. This way, they'll be really mad, not super mad. And hopefully this distraction will take away all anger associated with observation number five (listed above).

I will be having a big beer (or gin and tonic, whichever wanders my way) tonight watching German soccer, and I am turning my phone off. Mom and dad, you can yell at me tomorrow.


DEUTSCHLAND!



---

The road not travelled.

Right now, my life could be so easy. So unbelievably fucking easy. All I would have to do is turn back time. No big deal. If I had only left the "early decision" box in my Wharton application blank, things would be totally different. For those of you not familiar with US college applications - "early decision" means if you get in to the school, you have to go. You normally check this box to indicate that this school is your top choice. Yeah, I maybe should have thought this one through a little more.

You see, I wanted to go to Notre Dame ever since I could walk. No particular reason. I was Irish, they are the Fighting Irish, and I think that's pretty much it. Since we have no Ivy League schools around Minnesota, it's the Harvard of the Midwest (Northwestern and UChicago are up there as well.) So, how the hell did I end up going to Wharton instead? Funny story, actually. I decided I wanted to go into business, so I should apply to the top business school in the world - just for shits and giggles. My college counselor didn't encourage it, saying I was "not legacy, not diversity, and no Berit Johnson." Wow. Berit was not only one of my good friends, but captain of two or three sports, legacy at Yale, incredibly smart, and with an extracurricular list that was long enough to wipe your ass with. Wow.

After that meeting, I was determined to get accepted to Wharton. Not becuase it was the right school for me, not becuase I particularly wanted to, but because I wanted to prove him wrong. I wasn't legacy. My parents weren't going to buy my way in. I had never even visited the school... and then I got in. For two months, my mom kept telling everyone I was going to Penn State instead of UPenn. Big difference. I don't blame her though, I didn't know Wharton was part of UPenn until I applied. I got my acceptance letter from Notre Dame two days later, and was close to tears when I had to turn it down.

Things would have been easier at Notre Dame. This summer would have been easier if I had taken an internship in Minneapolis instead of going to Munich. My mom keeps asking me why I do things the hard way... and I don't know. It's more fun...? No, that's not always true. I know it's corny, but I think I've learned more this way. For example, I learned that if you walk home after 10pm in Philadelphia you will meet some cracked-out lunatics. If you arrive at a train station in Frankfurt before 10am, you will meet some similar people. I learned that you should always lock your door, or someone could break in and rape your roommate. I've learned that smiling goes a long way in a country if you don't know the language. I've learned that I definitely want to work abroad after I graduate from college because they get 5 weeks of vacation per year.

Most of all, I've learned that I know absolutely nothing. Hey, if the foregoing the easy road means I'm not an arrogant bitch, I guess that's worth it :)



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German History. Shhhh. Don't talk about it.

Whenever I am home in Minnesota, I have a certain routine. Wake up early, do errands with dad, have some sort of activity for the day. Dinner is at 5:30, and it consists of whatever you can catch or kill (a.k.a. sandwiches, cereal, eggs, or chicken.) After dinner we watch TV. I lay on big comfy chair, dad on the couch. He naps (and snores) while we watch the news, the Simpsons, Family Guy, and then the History Channel. Mom usually comes up during the History Channel portion, stops the dishwasher and spends 5 or 10 minutes making tons of noise moving the dishes around so they'll get the cleanest. Of course, the water is running in the sink this whole time. I realize she's being nice, but after two or three minutes I'll start saying, "shhhhh Mooomm! We're watching the History Channel!" To which she'll reply, "Oh really? What's it about?"

My answer is always the same. It's about WWII. Could be about German aircraft vs. Allied aircraft, the war in northern Africa, Stalin and Hitler's relationship, or the Pacific front. But it is always a program about WWII. I have a few theories as to why this is:

1. This period in history was the last time that America was seen as "glorious." The whole world loved us. We came and fought for a cause that saved Europe from having German as their official language. We exposed the horrors that happened under the Nazi regime. We were attacked at Pearl Harbor, and fought back to victory that truly benefited the world. Since then, our reputation has deteriorated. We have started to fight wars with no clear enemy, so there can be no clear victory. The Cold War, The War on Terror, The War on Drugs, The War on Poverty... we spent the 50's and 60's using Korea and Vietnam as puppets for our conflicts with Russia. We killed tens of thousands of people solely because they didn't use the same political system that we did. Communism is Evil! Democracy is Right! After that, a series of wars were fought in the middle east for oil. No matter what the political rhetoric may say, they were all fought for oil. We are no longer glorious. People abroad truly hate our government and way of life. I've gotten teased for Bush's speeches, foreign policies, and domestic policies. I've gotten dirty looks for saying I'm American (not often, but it happens.) People wonder why we don't recycle, don't have smaller cars, don't clean our rivers. I don't know. But what I do know is that in the 1930's and 1940's, we were the good guys. And we like to hear stories about when we were the heroes.

2. This is not as strong of a theory, but I figured I'd give the History Channel the benefit of the doubt. It could be that they broadcast programs about WWII every night after 7pm because it was an interesting time in history. The combination of factors that allowed Hitler to come to power and eventually lose the war are unique. If a few things had gone slightly differently, the whole outcome would have changed. So yes, it could be interesting. It could also be for business reasons - the History Channel's target segment is older. They demand programs about stuff they've been through. Older people either fought in the war or it was a significant part of their childhood. This part doesn't really ring true to me, because most vets from WWII have died, and their children were too young to remember it and fought instead in Vietnam. Also, while it was an interesting time in history, it definitely isn't the most exciting. Go back a few hundred more years and you get into medieval times... that shit was nuts.

Thomas told me it is irritating when someone from America says, "Oh Germany! Yeah... Hitler... right?" Things like the History Channel perpetuate this ignorance by only reporting on one aspect (a dark aspect) of their history. Yes, it was important. Yes, it was horrible. But there are other things in German history that are important and worth knowing.

I went into a bookstore a couple of weeks ago and saw a special section about German history. Even though it was in a central place in the store, I noticed people took special paths to walk around it. I was clearly the only person who walked past it and picked up a book. The lady working the cash register, who was so talkative with the people ahead of me in line, wouldn't even look at me when I bought a book about the gestapo. I already mentioned the reaction I got when I accidentally called the German National Anthem "Deutschland über alles." Wide eyes, gasp, and a hushed explanation about why I should never, ever call it that. Later, I was explaining that my Spanish sucks now and I'm ashamed of it because my Spanish teacher was a complete Nazi about grammar.

Shit. Bad choice of words.

When she bought a car in Frankfurt, Sara had to pick letters for her license plate. The man helping her said that most people use their initials to make it easy to remember. She said okay, lets use SS. Sara Stephenson. The man told her he couldn't do it. She wanted to know why not.
"Did someone else already pick it?"
"No."
"Then why couldn't I use my initials?"
"Because you can't."
"But you said I could use my initials."
The man, whose English was very broken, simply replied with "HITLER!" and did the Nazi salute, just to make sure she got the point.

I have made it a point to try and stay away from these topics with people I've met in Germany. It is a touchy subject, to say the least. After the last soccer game, Thomas explained to me that it is finally okay to be proud of Germany again. Germans had been importing culture from other places for the last sixty years. They listened to American music and watched American movies. I didn't understand why. Yes, it was a very dark time in their history. But that is not the current generation's fault. He can't be blamed for what Hitler did any more than I can be held accountable for the settlers' systematic destruction of Native American land, slavery, or the horrible racism that continued into the 1960's and 1970's.

To be fair, my ancestors lived in Minnesota, so they never had any part in the slave trade. And my family with the Schells brewery was historically kind to the Native Americans, so New Ulm was one of the only towns in Southern Minnesota to be spared from the Indian wars. But still. These were very, very dark times in our history. I don't know anybody today who has given up American movies and music because of our horrible deeds in the past. Genocide is not something that was invented in the 1940's. The Russians have done it, Africans are doing it, and the middle east is a mess that is impossible to sort out. Every history is violent. That does not make violence excusable. However, it is interesting to me that every country has done something horrible, but Germans are the only ones teaching their schoolchildren that they are personally responsible for their country's wrongdoings. Yes, at six years old, they are personally accountable for the attempted destruction of a race of people.

That makes no sense to me.

So, each week I will be posting something about German history that has nothing to do with either of the "situations" they started in the last century. It will be like ABC's Person of the Week, except I'll probably do it on Mondays and I'm definitely not as cool as Charlie Gibson. Germany has done some bad things but they have also done some great things.

Watch out, kiddos - this is stuff you won't find on the History Channel.


---

Motivation.

There are very few things that I learned from Management 101. What a worthless class. Okay, so maybe it's not totally worthless, but anything that I get a C+ in can't be worth learning. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

One of the things that stuck with me from this course was motivational theory - why people are motivated to do certain things. How you can get people to do what you want them to do. How to best formulate goals so that they'll be reached. There are a couple of different things to take into consideration - how a person is internally motivated, and how to set attainable, yet challenging goals.

My favorite theory about intrinsic motivation (the fact that I have a favorite theory is slightly embarrassing) is APA. People can be primarily motivated by one of three characteristics: achievement, power, or affiliation. People who fall into the "achievement" category are motivated by things they are good at. They like being the best at tasks. They don't enjoy group work, but they like being challenged by what they do. The best way to motivate this type of person is to give them increasing amounts of responsibility and lots of feedback on their performance. The next type of person - someone who fits into the "power" category - is motivated by being in control of things. This type of person likes autonomy in their work, they want to complete tasks when and how they would like to. People in the "affiliation" category are motivated by acceptance. These people like working in teams and working on projects with other departments.

Okay, so those are the different types of internal motivations. Now - how to set an appropriate goal. It should be one that is challenging yet attainable, a time period of not too short and not too long, and sharing your goals with other people will make you more likely to reach them. For example, I could broadcast to the entire world that my goal for today is to get my laundry done. If I don't do it, the whole world knows I fucked up. That's a lot of pressure. If it is a private goal, I don't feel as much pressure to achieve it because I'm the only one who knows about it.

I recently reorganized my life goals from "workaholic, never has any fun, kicks ass at career" to "kicks ass at career, has awesome people in her life, goes on amazing and crazy adventures." In fact, part of the reason why I came to Munich this summer was to do something different. I don't want to be one of those people who is 50 or 60 years old, looks back at their life, and says "I wish I would have....." That is sad and pathetic, and I never want to be that person. So, I figured I would put what small morsel of information I learned from Management 101 to good use.

In the APA framework, I am "Achievement." I like being good at things, and I like feedback to make sure I'm exceeding expectations (for the record, I hate the word "framework," but that's what Wharton does to you. That, and "feedback." Yuck.) Being able to check things off of a list is a plus. As for setting the goal itself: anything short of "cure cancer" or "achieve world peace" is probably appropriate, I have no idea on the timeline I'm looking at, and I will publish it in a public place - here. If I fail at this, you will all know about it. But I'm no quitter, dammit.

Here is my bucket list. For those of you who don't know, a bucket list consists of things you do before you "kick the bucket," or die. I'm hoping that posting it here will motivate me to do some of this stuff, and maybe one or two of you readers also want to do some of the crazy activities mentioned.

Elizabeth's Bucket List:***

*** note: the truly scandalous activities have been omitted from this list. Elizabeth might tell you, if you ask her. But she probably won't so don't get your hopes up.

1. Graduate from Wharton, but never donate money to them because lord knows they've taken enough. $50,000 a year and they have a six billion dollar endowment... no, I will not give you money. Bugger off.

2. Go skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving, and assorted other death-defying activities.

3. Visit Greece, Russia, Spain, and Egypt. See Paris in the fall.

4. Keep more travel journals than pictures, write more letters than e-mails.

5. Go to the original Oktoberfest. Ja. Wear a dirndl, have a lot of good beer, and beat a German at some sort of drinking game.

6. Kiss someone under the fireworks, dance in the U-bahn station, make an ass of myself in public :) This one shouldn't be that hard, given how much I embarrass myself on any given day.

7. Get old in age, not in attitude.

8. Get lost on purpose in a strange city and find my way back home.

9. Learn French and German fluently.


I'm sure I'll be updating this post a lot as I remember other stuff I want to do. For now, that's all I can think of.

p.s.
I mostly posted this today because I wanted to write something, but don't have anything Germany-specific to comment on at the moment. Let me know if you have any topic suggestions :)


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Life is an adventure.

So far, today has been full of amazing adventures. I got out of the Hauptbanhof in Frankfurt  at around 10am and amused myself for twenty minutes watching the junkies, trannies, and hookers get their morning fix. A cracked out Turkish soccer fan and drunk German soccer fan nearly got into a fight, throwing their beers and cigarettes down on the groud and beating their chests like apes. In the same area, I watched a man walk for two blocks with his hand down his pants, rubbing his dick in clear view of passing traffic and.... everybody. He then proceeded to shake hands with three people and pet a dog for five minutes. 

Then I walked down the swankiest street in the city with Sara and Polly, watching Ralph Lauren-clad babies play with their snooty older parents who sipped espressos and looked down on the passerby. I remembered what it was like to be five years old again when we went to the fountain outside the old opera house, and six-year-old Lola and I started splashing water at each other. I sampled turkish sweets, ate bratwurst and corn on the cob in an outdoor market, and tried a fried flower. Yes, they deep fry flowers here. And they are topped with cinnamon sugar. Frankly, it tastes like fried batter and sugar, not so much like a flower. It was an experience, to say the least. I saw a man wearing nothing but european manpris (man capris) and a leather vest unbuttoned so that his chest hair was in full view. Sara and I went on a whirlwind five minute shopping spree at H&M and spent twenty minutes waiting to pay while the world's slowest cashier took forever to ring up our purchases. 

I used to think that three things were important in life - successful career, successful career.... oh and successful career. Yes, work is important, but it's not the only thing. A retarded guy helped me learn that. Well, an actor playing a retarded guy. At the end of sophomore year, I stayed up with my friends and watched the movie "Forrest Gump." Throughout the movie, I was pissed! Here, I had wasted my whole life trying to hit one goal, and I'm missing out on everything else. I know it's scripted, I know it's a movie, but the fact that someone with such a simple outlook on life can have such amazing adventures... it floored me. So, I decided to do something about it. I took a job in a foreign country, stopped being such an uptight bitch, and tried weird and different things just so I can say I've done them. 

Life is good.

---

Yeh won't find yer red Ford truck here.

I love Fridays and hate Fridays. I love them because it's the last day before the weekend, always a good thing. I hate them because I'm entirely unproductive. In fact, I haven't been a very good worker this week. That's not quite true. I've been a good worker, but not as good as I usually am. I have very high standards for myself. Lucky for you, this lazy Friday means two posts in one day. For me, it means I'll have to stay late and do the translations I said I would finish. You win some, you lose some.

Audi, Mercedes, BMW, oh my! German cars are hot. In fact, I haven't seen a minivan yet. If I ever drive a minivan, feel free to take me out back and kill me; if I am driving a minivan, I've clearly lost my mind. I did see a bunch of Mustangs the other day though, and I have to admit there is a special place in my heart for the red 2008 Mustang. Yum. But the best part about German cars? You get to drive them the way they were designed to be driven.

None of this 55mph speed limit shit. Oh no. They have the autobahn.

I have to confess, when I first came to Germany, I thought the autobahn was one road. And on this one road, you got to go as fast as you wanted. Nope, wrong. I felt extremely stupid when it was finally explained to me. "Autobahn" literally translated means "motorway." Every highway is an autobahn. Every highway has no speed limit. Every highway is NASCAR.

I love it. Actually, I'm scared shitless, but in a good way. As long as the driver is in a well-made German car, it's great. Mom, avert your eyes: last time, we were going 130mph. Now that is efficiency.

I'm a very bad fake-German, I forgot to post about the soccer game last night! Two words: totally nuts. Germany beats Portugal, Germany goes to the semi-final, Germany fucking rocks.

Back to work...


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The Dating Game.

Alright, I know you've all been waiting patiently for this post...

*drum roll please*

Boys. German boys.

After spending 20 years in the US, I think I know American guys pretty well. Let me rephrase that... I know Midwestern guys pretty well. The east coast is a whole different ballgame. I've had enough experience with Americans that I know how to play the flirting game, the waiting game, and the dating game. It is okay for girls to be a little bit forward, but not to ask a guy out. Sending X-rated text messages is perfectly fine. Many guys are into the "lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets." (more info: see previous post.) The dating game changes over time as well. Middle school dating was innocent, high school dating was a learning time. In college, people don't casually "date." Everything up until the official, boyfriend-girlfriend stage is one huge grey area. You could be hanging out, hooking up, friends with benefits, people that hang out and hook up exclusively but aren't officially together.... these may seem like minor distinctions to others, but it makes a huge difference. Coming from America, I understand these differences. They are sometimes stupid and juvenile, but I understand them.

Guys and girls are different from each other; that's a common thread throughout all cultures. But the ways in which they differ are not the same - American women and American guys are different from each other, but not in the same ways that German guys and German women are different from one another. What does this mean? Even if you understand the language perfectly, the dating game does not translate from culture to culture.

Last summer, Mags and I went to Italy. The game there is TOTALLY different. Guys are extremely aggressive - making eye contact is an invitation for a guy to follow you a block or two, ask you out to a bar, to get a drink, etc. Romance is overdone. Flowers, gondolas, and late-night walks through ancient ruins and to beautiful fountains are first date activities. Language barriers are not a problem. I speak English, Spanish, and (bad) German. Acene (pronounced ah-chen-eh) spoke French and Italian. We made it work somehow. Well, we made it work because I understand French,and Maggie translated the other parts. Mags is a kick-ass wingman.

Maggie - come to Germany. New culture, new game. I don't understand German guys at all. Normally, I think I can read people pretty well... no dice. Nope. Nein. No idea. If we had a continuum, German guys would be on one extreme and Italians on the other, with Americans in the middle. Italians are extremely forward, compliment women profusely, and know every trick in the book to get a girl to fall for them. Americans are not as forward... and don't have gondolas, red wine, and accordian music to seduce their women with. Germans are much less effusive. Their culture, as a whole, is much more blunt and practical about life. I don't think this is a bad thing. They seem more genuine. For example, Italians will compliment you all day, but they compliment everybody all day. American guys mostly give compliments on special occasions, because they know they're supposed to. If a German says something nice, it's sincere. I like sincere.

Unfortunately, I can't distinguish between a German who is outgoing and friendly, one who is just being polite, and one who is genuinely interested... I'll keep you posted.

Stay tuned for an upcoming post on German cars... get excited :)



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SEX. Now that I have your attention...

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Europeans and Americans have very different ideas about these... at least the sex and drugs part. It's an interesting paradox: Americans are uptight about sex and drugs, but we're sluts. Europeans have a much more relaxed attitude about it all, and their women are not so quick to jump into bed with strangers.

Small anecdote - I went for a walk last night and came across this advertisement: it was a woman, her face obscured by her long hair, and she was completely naked. This wasn't a coy, over-the-shoulder shot, it was full on boobs and bush. You would NEVER see this kind of advertisement in America. If you did, it would be the center of a huge controversy with every "children's advocate" group going nuts. Another example - MTV Germany is one of the few channels that is (partly) in English. I was watching their Top 10 Summer Song countdown last night, and one of the videos had completely naked women in it. I could not believe it.

The funny thing is, people in America believe we're forward thinking. We think that because we have Playboy and Skinimax that we're alright with nudity. But, if you suggested having public beaches changed to "clothing optional," there would be an uproar from the religious right. (Funny they're called "right" when they're "wrong" most of the time. Just an opinion. And yes, I realize that "right" refers to conservative, not correct... but play along.) We think we're a melting pot of cultures, yet hate immigrants. The statue of liberty says, "bring us your tired, your poor," and now we want to build a wall around our country. Our actions only line up with our words regarding drugs - we know we're conservative bitches about drinking and smoking.

I'm thinking that our slutty reputation is some sort of country-wide rebellion against our uptight nature. There's a reason we have the phrase, "lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets." God forbid you be a freak outside of the bedroom as well.

Why not have wine with lunch? Lower the drinking age? Have naked women on posters? Nude beaches?

Maybe if we unbuttoned our collar a bit, our women would learn to keep their pants buttoned abroad.

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Grab bag

Prepare yourself: this post is going to be very long. To make it easier to follow (and so you can skip the parts you don't care about) I'll number it.

1. I am an idiot
2. Interesting facts
3. Work vs. non-work
4. America's excess

Here we go.

1. I am an idiot.

Pretty self explanatory, honestly. It's amazing how many times I am able to embarrass myself in one day.. I should win a medal or something. There are many reasons why I am an idiot, none of which are appropriate to explain here. If you really want to know, ask me, and I'll tell you. Maybe.

2. Interesting facts

- I saw someone on a bike get hit by a car yesterday. Not bumped, hit. The bike was crossing an intersection, and a car came out from another street and ran into it going approx 15 mph. I went for a late run at around 10:00pm near Prinzregentenplatz and all of the sudden I heard a huge crunch, followed by a biker limping towards the sidewalk. I had two very inappropriate reactions: the first thought I had was the Dane Cook joke about how he wants to see someone get hit by a car before he dies, and my second thought was "I KNEW these fucking bike lanes were a problem!" I didn't know enough German to be much help to a biker in shock, but there was another pedestrian there who helped out.

- Puff is dying and I won't get to say goodbye. I am very sad.

- Someone remind me to buy sunglasses, a watch, and a German SIM card for my phone. Thanks :)

- Also remind me to download some German music, because it's fucking awesome.

- It rains a lot in Munich, and I always leave my umbrella at work. I get soaked on the way in, and on the way out. I'm really smart. Also, I have these adorable green shoes... that kill my feet. Every morning I look at them and go, "cute! I should wear these today." Two hours later, I want to burn them. Someday I will figure this out.

- My mom keeps telling me to find a cute German boy to spend the summer with, "It shouldn't be that hard, you're in Germany for christs sake!" Alright, alright, I'm working on it... we'll see.

3. Work vs. non-work

I am a completely different person at work and at home. When I was younger, this used to happen with school. I'm not doing a very good job explaining this, so I'll give you some examples.
Music: at work, I listen to Norah Jones and John Mayer; at home, I listen to 'Lil Rob "Bring out the Freak in you" and Wisin & Yandel "Sexy Movimiento." Very different.
Clothing: at work, cardigans and dresses; at home, naked time.
Humor: at work, I am very quiet and have no real sense of humor; at home, I am full of sarcasm and goofiness.
Speech: at work, I use please, thank you, and sorry excessively; at home, I swear like a sailor.

I can't figure this out, but oh well. Worktime = serious time, but I'm not a serious person usually.

4. America's Excess

I realize that when the settlers landed, the New World was supposed to be bigger and better than the Old. 200 years later, our concept of grandeur includes a lot of waste. Aside from being teased endlessly about having Bush as our president, I have been told to separate green glass from clear glass or brown glass for recycling purposes. I am not complaining - I think it's wonderful that people here have the foresight to take initiative for the environment, and I'm not normally a tree-hugging kind of person. Here, people have one car per family- and even if they have more than one, cars here are much more efficient. At home, three gas-guzzling SUV's per family was not uncommon. In Europe, people don't bitch about their government spending money to make public transportation a reliable way to get around. In Minnesota, people are grumbling about expanding the light rail system, even as the average commute climbs upwards of two hours per day.

Prepare yourself, this statement is not appropriate for small childeren or people from the South: America is not the greatest country in the world.

Yes, there are good things about America. Great things. But that does not mean we know everything, or that our way of doing things is best.

Just some food for thought.


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The morning after.

I am a little timid writing this post.... a certain facebook-friend coworker found my blog and, although he is under pain of death to keep quiet, it is still a little scary. Hi Thomas! Now everybody knows who you are, and I have an army of blog-lovers who will kick your ass if you say anything to people at work. Wundervoll.

My mother has been pestering me to post "the good, the bad, and the ugly," so here goes.

The good: There was another soccer game last night, and Deutschland won! Yay. The crowd also smelled much better; apparently washing their previously dirty clothes helped to recapture the "winning magic." I went down to a bar called "Die Zwei," which looked like it was something out of a movie. Beautiful bartenders, huge tv's for the game, packed wall-to-wall with crazy German soccer fans who went "ooo" and "ahhh" with each good shot or pass. And when Germany scored, a beer-fueled roar erupted that was so loud, I thought I lost my hearing. Also part of the "good" section - drinks here may be a little expensive, but they are very strong. I ordered a gin and tonic that knocked me on my ass, and amused myself for about five minutes by blowing my hair off of my face. Attractive, I know. And no matter what Thomas says, Bavarian beer does not cure headaches.

The bad: Even though the gin and tonic was part of the "good" section, it also contributes to the "bad." I woke up too late this morning to take a shower and my hair smells like an ashtray. Again, attractive. I put some fruity smelling stuff in it and have it up in a ponytail... so I think the only way anybody will notice is if they stick their face in the back of my neck. Also in the "bad" section- German syntax is very different from English syntax, and I'm making ridiculous grammatical mistakes now. When your job is reading and writing English, das ist nicht gut. So I officially can't speak German or English now... sweet.

The ugly: German fashion. What. The. Fuck. Young people in München have embraced heroin chic; never smiling, skinny jeans, layered tops, heavy eye makeup, and weird hair. Mullets are a huge fashion statement for guys here, especially ones with a blonde strip around the side. I don't understand it. As if I didn't look different enough - ghostly white skin, red curly hair - my preppy style sticks out like a sore thumb. Also under "ugly" - I smell like an ashtray today, and I look like an ass-tray. I'll write more on this topic later... as I'm clearly not qualified to comment on style at the moment.

So Mom, there it is... and probably with more detail than you bargained for :) My pounding headache is getting a bit better, so back to work I go.

Love is excessive comma usage.

My boss and I have recently had a couple of "discussions" about proper English grammar, so I went online this morning to hunt down a definitive answer about American comma usage (and only forwarded websites that supported my case.) Even though I've already broken one of Jack Lynch's rules from "A Guide to English Grammar and Style," I'm going to consciously break another; I already used a parenthetical phrase, and now I'm going to use a cliche. Ready?

Home is where the heart is.

I have two problems with people who say, "Never use cliches!" (Sorry Jack Lynch.) First, this phrase has been used so often that it has become cliche. This makes the speaker a hypocrite, and I don't like hypocrites. Second, cliches consist of often-repeated generalizations that are widely regarded as truths. I had never really appreciated the truth in "Home is where the heart is" until last weekend.

For those of you I have spoken to, gchatted, or who have read this blog - you know München has been awesome and terrible at the same time. The job is a great opportunity, I've gotten to experience another culture and language, my German has improved, and I'm doing something to satisfy my sense of adventure. On the other hand, I am removed from all friends and family, the language is difficult, the culture is unforgiving of a foreigner's faux pas, and I'm pretty sure the fucking bike lanes on the sidewalk are going to eventually kill me. Big ups, big downs.

My dad jokes that it not only takes a village to raise a child, but an international village. We're fans of the cliches, apparently. Last weekend I went to visit my international village chieftains Sara and Paul in Frankfurt - and to follow on with my extended metaphor - their home is full of heart. Brimming with heart. Chuck full of it. It was a necessary, 48-hour English-speaking extravaganza. It makes coming back to München more bearable. Now, I don't get so irritated when my boss deletes my commas - x, y, and z becomes x, y and z... which is just fucking confusing.

*Big breath.* Okay, it is still irritating, but not so much as before. Listening to Little Big Town helps:

I would ride across the mesa to the Arizona plains,

Or sail beyond the shores of Cisco Beach.
I’d go down the Mississippi to the land of hurricanes,
Or I’d climb the hills of Tennessee,
If that’s where you are,
That’s where I’ll be.

These lyrics are dedicated to mama and papa schneider... miss you :) And I kiiiind of like you.

Uh oh, spaghettiös.

Watching soccer in the Michaeligarten last night was smelly. Yes, smelly. German soccer fans are not only loud and obnoxious, it seems they believe they can help their team win by re-wearing the exact same clothes they wore for the last win. Their dirty clothes, that is. Apparently washing them takes out all of the "winning magic."

They clearly have hit upon an amazing idea, seeing how Germany lost last night.

Oh well, I'm not miffed by it. I actually had quite a good time and spoke an impressive amount of German. I even dreamt in German last night! Well, more accurately, I had a dream that I was trying to speak German. Since that's how most of my days are spent, it was more like a nightmare - quite stressful. Luckily, I get to leave early today and have a non-stressful couple of days in Frankfurt.

To all of my readers in internet land: schönes Wochenende! I will write again Monday.

Tschüss!

... and then I ran into a bike.

These last few days have been.... interesting. Nothing particularly good or particularly bad happened, but it's been much harder than I thought to acclimate to a different culture. I've been here for almost three weeks now and don't feel settled yet. I think Sara put it best when she said, "It's hard to feel out of step with the things around you all of the time." Quite literally, I am not in step with German culture. For example, people bike everywhere here. In all sorts of weather, in formal clothes or in sweats, people are on bikes. To accommodate this, Munich has sort of extended sidewalks - one side for pedestrians, one side for cyclists. It keeps bikers off the road, away from cars, etc. It also means that pedestrians have to be aware of these bike lanes when crossing the street. As a rule, my situational awareness is sub-par. When it's 8am and I'm walking to work with my iPod on, my situational awareness is borderline retarded. I've already had a couple of run-ins with bikes and many near misses (with a stream of German cursing ensuing from the offended biker.)

Yep, definitely not in step with the culture yet.

But, I am determined not to make this a forum for me to bitch about how much I miss America and our distinct lack of bike lanes. There are some things here that fit me snug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug, culturally speaking. For instance, we have happy hour in the office. I tried tequila-flavored beer yesterday - it sounds like shit and tastes not much better. I choked down a couple of sips so I didn't seem rude and left it on my desk, hoping the night janitorial staff would throw it away. No dice. This morning, I have a hot, stale, tequila-flavored beer sitting on my desk, and I haven't yet found a way to dispose of it discreetly.

Aside from the generally relaxed attitude towards drinking, I heart German soccer fans. What wonderfully eccentric nutcases they are. There's a match on tonight at 6pm, and every hardcore fan is mysteriously "sick" today and stayed home from work so they won't miss a minute. Instead of our 1980 "Miracle on Ice," they have a 1954 "Miracle of Bern" when Germany defeated Hungary in the World Cup final- called the biggest upset in soccer history. Soccer means so much to this country that Wikipedia cited that game as a "significant turning point in post-war German cultural history... offering the first feelings of success for a beaten nation." Hm. Interesting.
Last week I went to a game with some of my coworkers, and had my biggest out-of-step feeling yet; the German national anthem was playing, so I leaned over and said, "Oh! This is 'Deutschland über alles,' right?" My coworker, Birgit, looked at me with a mixture of shock and horror. She proceeded to explain that "Deutschland über alles" are the beginning lyrics to the first verse, and it's forbidden to sing it. "We only third verse sing," she explained. Apparently, Hitler heavily used the first and second verses of the national anthem as symbols for German supremacy, so they're not sung (or spoken of) today. Whoops. Big fucking whoops.

This weekend - going to visit Sara in Frankfurt. Hooray for conversations in English, snuggles with Jonah, and laughs all around :)

Willkommen!

All girly teenage movie references aside, welcome! Willkommen! Bienvenidos! Bonjour!

Perhaps a more appropriate title would have been "Elizabeth's Travelling, Non-Slutty, Workplace Appropriate Skirts and Dresses," but it didn't seem to roll off the tongue as well. So, pants it is. And currently, my pants-clad bottom is working in the international marketing department for a Munich-based IT firm. As thrilling as my work may be - creating marketing materials for their US expansion - there will be very little talk of it here. Regardless of what my sister might say, I'm not completely retarded, and the last thing I want is for something written here to come back and bite me in the ass.

I will, however, go into excruciating detail about the rest of my life - I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that my mother will be this blog's only devoted fan. Even though I am sometimes painfully boring, she still finds me interesting :)

Hi mom.

Life in Germany is... German. Surprising, I know. The public transportation is immaculately clean and always on time. Sausage and beer are common lunchtime staples. Espresso is consumed at all hours of the day or night. The most common word in German advertisements is "efficient." However, I am fascinated by my keyboard - it has special keys for letters with umlauts. ü ö ä. I am extremely entertained by umlauts. They make any word more interesting...

Elizäbeth. München. Würst. Snüggle.

Speaking (bad) German has become part of my everyday life, and I think I understand how non-native English speakers feel in the US. We're not very nice to people who don't speak English, and the Germans are the same about German. Whenever I get stuck on a word, I get a withering look and a response in English. Surprisingly, I only get this reaction from young people. The elderly are very patient with me and I have daily conversations with Hilda, the woman who bakes for the office. Old people like to talk about their families - one topic I actually know vocabulary for. Ja, meine Mutter und mein Vater. Ja.

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to get some lunch... and to quote a favorite saying of my boss "okey dokey, back to verk!"